whenever dudebros go into some middle school biology spiel about how people are animals and men are just doing what male animals do
I just want to tell them
did you know:
jumping spider males are forced to dance for their mates, and if their courting dance is flawed the female eats him
u sure u wanna go about the animal kingdom
yo i ain’t saying she’s a gold-digger but she does carry a weird pan everywhere and keep mumbling stuff about “gold in them there hills” idk so yeah she is probably a gold digger
Baked some iPhone cookies to trick cops into pulling me over, then I just take a bite and ask if cookies are against the law.
- Last week in class: 6 people
- This week in class: 106 people, 5 dogs, 2 cats, and a partridge in a pear tree.
THIS. MOTHERFREAKING THIS.
Excuse me as I causally anonymously mail this to all my relatives’ homes
not even a motherfucker
[merry EXTREMELY LATE christmas everyone 8D]
As a companion series of Agents of Shield, they should make a show about what The Avengers to in their spare time.
faked the whole squad
faked the cameraman too
voting against gay marriage is like ordering a piece of cake at a restaurant and having a complete stranger be like “waiter, cancel that cake”
"waiter cancel that cake it’s ruining my cake and i don’t know how to explain it to my children"
"my dietbook said I can’t have cake so throw that guy’s cake away too."
"when that guy has chocolate cake that makes my vanilla cake taste awful!"
Types of people who romanticize small town life:
- People who didn’t grow up in small towns